Learn Zombie Kung Fu Now and Survive the Coming Apocalypse!

[I:https://healthclub90.com/storage/2012/03/AlCase22.jpg]I bet that if I started a zombie kung fu school I would get fabulously wealthy. I could teach all the secret martial arts techniques that the undead use to rip the living heart out of some fool who can’t run very fast. I could teach people the secret monster karate techniques that…maybe I better get to the point?

My wife just knew that I was totally destroying my sons’ fragile, eggshell mentalities. We would perch on the sofa for hours and eat popcorn and watch monster movies. And then I would show them the secrets of the martial arts.

What she didn’t know was that we were studying several key points which were crucial to understanding the martial arts. The main point was the use of wires and make up. Understand these two things and it will change the way you think about the martial arts, and it will even undo the harmful effects of Hollywood scripting.

First, we would spend long hours dissecting the methods by which Hollywood creates its special effects. How did that vampire soar across the rooftops? The answer, we would find, would be wirework, or a blue screen, a trampoline, and invisible platforms pasted onto the background.

This led to attempts to duplicate certain feats, with me holding onto the belt, placing a hand under the back, or otherwise seeing if something could be done. Interestingly, this led to the boys appreciating the need for spotters and proper instruction before attempting those things they do on TV and warn you not to do.

The second special effects factor was makeup, and while we didn’t start roaming the streets dressed in monster drag at midnight, we did get in an educational analysis of how make up could be used to enhance death. If you bent the head just right, put a metal plate against the neck, you could set off a small charge and make it look like a throat was being exploded. Cool!

And, the method for inserting knives, bullets, spears, or whatever the weapon of your choice into the body part of your choice was quite educational. This led to analysis of how the body might really react when various weapons hit it. Nice!

I know this is a weird bit of writing, and I know that people will not like me for the way I raised my kids. But my kids are not taken in by Hollywood special effects, don’t get upset by fake blood, appreciate good film making, know that no actors were harmed in the filming of this movie, and understand better how reality functions. So I think you better learn a little Zombie Kung Fu, that way maybe you’ll stand a chance of surviving when the zombies come to your neighborhood.

Survive the impending apocalypse! Study the best martial arts in your own home. Mouse to Monster Martial Arts!

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