It’s not easy to maintain your sense of self-esteem while getting a divorce . Most people start to think of themselves in terms of failure when they are undergoing this process. It is painful and often leads to a reduced level of confidence.
This is unfortunate and unnecessary, because there are time-tested behavioral methods to assist in retaining self-esteem during times of emotional turmoil. One of the most basic techniques is to keep one’s conduct at the highest moral level. This means you do not lower yourself by engaging in actions aimed at getting vengeance for wrongs that have been done to you, including infidelity. You will lose self-respect if you have sex with someone else to get back at a cheating partner.
It is difficult but essential to isolate your children from disputes that take place between the parents. Expecting kids to choose sides will cause anguish. The emotional scars from this will affect everyone in the immediate family.
Children also suffer internally if you complain to them about their other parent. That parent had as big a role as you did in the creation of the kids, and is much loved by them. Trust that children are perceptive and will reach the appropriate conclusions about their parents when they are old enough to give the matter serious consideration.
Try to realize that when a marriage goes wrong, everyone has played a role in the process. Take responsibility for your part in this, and then forgive yourself. There is no point in feeling guilty, but it is necessary to recognize errors you may have made so that you will not repeat them in the future.
Support from family and friends can help you sort out your feelings. Seek out their help. They will be worried about you and will usually be sympathetic listeners while you describe your pain. However, if depression exists for longer than a few months, it is a good idea to contact a counselor. Sometimes people need assistance in developing successful life strategies, and you should not be ashamed if you have become one of them.
One place you should not share tales of woe is the workplace. It is okay for colleagues to be aware that you are in transition in your personal life. However, it is a bad idea to give out details. It could be construed as being unprofessional and may end up as a barrier to promotion.
Also, don’t be too anxious to start dating again. When you are getting a divorce, you are vulnerable. Certain predatory people can sense this and will not feel bad about taking advantage of you when you are down. Take some time to become comfortable on your own. Get to know who you are deep down inside and what you really want out of life, including the qualities you will be seeking in a future partner. In the meantime, treat yourself to something special now and then. It does not have to be a major purchase, but it should be something that brings a smile to your face.