The Hideous Poison of Anger
When asked what gets in the way of communication most often, anger comes up. Moreover, the anger is often related to a perception of a situation that may not even be accurate. That is why anger can be a poison that sucks you in.
Judgment and ridicule can set in. Your breathing starts to change and becomes shallow and significantly faster. This pattern lowers the oxygen level in the brain, which increases the irritability, impulsivity and leads to confusion and behaviours such as threatening, yelling or hitting.
Your brain then starts searching for other reasons to be angry to justify how it feels.
By looking for reasons that can make other people bad or wrong, the mind believes it offsets or even justifies its own actions, thinking and beliefs.
It then sets up vibrations of energy that attracts more of the same and other people of the same nature. Your brain can then literately filter out anything contrary to the raging thoughts that it now feels.
All communication has stopped at this point. The other person is now defensive and on guard against the onslaught of verbal and possibly physical attacks from the other person. They no longer see this person as rational. They give no credibility to anything the other person is saying. In most instances, they are in protection mode and not even paying attention to anything the angry person is saying.
If they get angry them self, it increases the rage and adds more fuel to the fire. They now look for past behaviours that can explain the actions of the angry person. If they remember any previous angry behaviour, it is easy to conclude that the other person always gets angry.
It is important for both parties to take a time out and reflect on what the original issue was and what they wanted to relay. Try to look at, just what are the important issues and what isn’t important. Having give and take in the communication can go far is resolving issues. They could also reflect on how and why the anger built up. What about this issue brought up the anger. How does this relate to any past issue. What are the feelings that I have around this.
In most cases, anger is a secondary emotion. It can mask fear, whether it is a fear of loss or needing control of a situation. Being clear on why you reacted and can go along way in resolving the intense feelings and help you to focus on the issue at hand. Then the communication can proceed towards understanding and resolution.
If you found this article interesting why don’t you visit and read Leland Polik’s other articles on his website the latest being on Rugby Information, and The Rules of Rugby.