Financial Issues Couples Lie About
Hiding spending from a spouse is not always that dramatic, and it’s more common than you’re probably thinking. According to surveys conducted by Capital One, and the University of Pennsylvania, about a third of us lie to our partners about our spending.
Many personal finance advisers agree that spouses should allow each other at least a little budget of their own to use every month. But hidden gifts and splurges often signal a lack of control in other areas of relationships. An extravagant gift for your spouse or for your children may seem like a great was to show you care about them, but psychologists warn that shopping for affection doesn’t lead to permanent happiness. Cars, boats, and houses can easily become symbols for negative turning points in family finances.
In one informal survey, about one in five respondents admitted to keeping a secret credit card. Hidden credit card debt can put a huge strain on a relationship, if only from the stress of keeping a spouse from finding out. Not only must you keep bank statements and passwords secret from your spouse, you have got to make extra cash to pay down finance charges and fees. Secret accounts often find the light of day when spouses make innocent credit requests, like seeking pre-approval for a mortgage or requesting a joint account from the secret card’s issuing bank.
Personal loans could ruin marriages, friendships, and family ties, especially when they go unpaid. If it isn’t bad enough to hide personal loans from your spouse, imagine the trouble you’ll be in when Uncle Sam starts looking at your books. Over the past few years, the Internal Revenue Service has stepped up enforcement of the rules that govern loans between friends and family. Even an interest-free loan could leave you on the hook for what the government calls “imputed interest,” or the amount of money you would have made if you had lent the cash at market rates.
It’s easy to look beyond natural savings goals, like college or retirement, and obsess about the day where one might have to run from a failed marriage. In many cases, actions turn into self-fulfilling prophesies. Other times, savers may feel the need to hide money from spend-happy spouses who don’t think far ahead when it comes to money. Both examples highlight a lack of trust that can emerge in relationships between people who didn’t fully investigate their financial compatibility before marriage.
Even with the best of intentions, a spouse can sabotage long range savings plans by making the wrong investment decision. Entrepreneurs or investors willing to put everything on the line in exchange for a shot at a windfall. Just as hidden credit card debts require constant covering up, a failed real estate deal or a busted stock pick can force spouses to work overtime or to take even bigger risks, just to come out even.
It’s easy to hide your feelings when something isn’t right about your relationship. For some couples, a morning ritual at the drive-thru window could turn into hundreds of dollars a month in unexpected expenses. Surveys let us see that couples hide alcohol purchases from each other more often than anything else in this category. Whether it’s buying a round for friends after work or covering up an addiction, it’s easy to hide a series of small credit card charges until the other spouse begins to wonder where all the money went. Getting clear about money can make room for the parts of your relationship that really need attention.
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